Positivity and Optimism
What’s something that’s so authentic to your personality that you feel out of alignment when you’re not exhibiting it? For me, it’s positivity, happiness and an optimistic attitude. I remember being 16 and working my first job when one of my co-workers said to me “you’re so happy all of the time” and I felt confused by the comment, as if it was unusual to be that way. It’s an attitude that felt natural to me and to this day still shines through most of the time. When I’m not feeling positive, it’s a clear sign that something in my life is out of alignment and I need to fix it. I recognize now that being an optimist isn’t natural for everyone and some people will always be stuck in a more negative way of thinking. If you’re curious about living a more positive life, keep reading.
Now of course I’m not always happy and positive, I’ve even experienced depression a few times in my adult life. The depression was linked to job loss, working under leaders whose values didn’t align with mine and feeling like I was not living my purpose. Like everyone, I have bad days and painful experiences but after some tears and a long chat with my Mom on the phone, I’m able to see the good side of it. That’s the power of optimism. I’ve also learned that when you’re focused on the good things around you, you attract more positive experiences and are much happier. It has created a feeling of empowerment and freedom to me.
In my opinion, having a positive attitude and an optimistic outlook is a valuable way of being. For some of us it’s natural and for others it will take work. It is SO worth the work! When you’ve got a positive attitude people will want to be around you, you’ll enjoy a better quality of life and you’ll be able to move past upsetting experiences more quickly while recognizing the blessing behind them.
Your happiness will definitely rub some people the wrong way but you have to commit to not letting those people dim your sparkle. They don’t understand you and there is nothing wrong with you. When I encounter miserable people I often try to share my point of view to help expand their way of thinking. It sometimes helps but changing someone’s attitude and outlook goes a lot deeper than one conversation and it’s not your responsibility. I recognize that when someone has been through trauma it impacts their ability to see life the same way as me; it’s important to keep that in mind when interacting with less positive people.
On that note, it’s I want to address toxic positivity. If you’re not familiar with this concept, it’s a practice of only focusing on the positive and not acknowledging the truly bad things that happen or that others experience. For example, someone d your negative feelings and responds by saying something like “oh it can’t be that bad” or “it will get better.” I have had this happen to me and I’m sure I’ve done it to others as well. Though the words are not meant to be harmful, downplaying the other person’s true emotions can make them feel worse, not better. It can be a challenge when you’re a genuinely positive person to acknowledge that something you don’t view as a big deal is actually upsetting to someone else, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t. Another challenge that happy people tend to face is allowing toxic people into our lives because we initially only see the good in people. As soon as things don’t feel right to you, it’s time to start creating space between you and that person.
Ok so you understand that being positive is a good thing but can also be a challenge, now what? Let’s take action! Here’s just a sampling of activities that support developing or enhancing a positive outlook on life:
- Practice gratitude daily. It’s simple: write down or think about 3-5 things that you’re grateful for from that day. You can do it at bed time, as a part of your morning routine, reflect on the day before, or anytime that works for you!
- Make personal development and growth a part of your lifestyle. I’m kind of obsessed with this topic and accomplish it by reading books, listening to podcasts, taking courses and participating in events. When you expand your mind, you become more compassionate and less judgemental.
- Get clear on what personal boundaries look and feel like to you and enforce them in all of your relationships. If you don’t want to be dragged down by people who are always complaining or gossiping about others, you have every right to tell those people that it’s not something you want to listen to.
- Move your body! To quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” Nutritious food choices are a win, too!
- Remove or limit interactions with toxic people. Speaking from personal experience, if you feel happier when you take a break from someone, it’s a pretty clear sign that they are not adding value to your life.
- Talk to your doctor if you think you may be suffering from anxiety, depression, or any other type of mental health disorder. I have a prescription for an anti-depressant that also helps with anxiety and holy heck does it ever help me feel like my true self! There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed about and getting professional help will be a life changer. If you’re struggling, send me a message because I am here for support and encouragement.
-Get yourself a therapist. Oh my goodness, if we could remove the shame and stigma around going to therapy, I don’t doubt that our quality of life would improve. If a therapist isn’t in your budget (hi!), seek out a friend or family member who has experience with or training in therapy and ask for their guidance. I’ve also done some “self-therapy” by digging into the Psychology Today website. This method requires a decent amount of self-awareness and the ability to be incredibly real with yourself, especially when it comes to owning up to your less desirable behaviours.
So what do you think? Is there a method or two that you’re going to incorporate into your life to help make it a more positive one? Let me know what you choose to do and how it works out for you!